Psalm 34:18 - The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit.

Psalm 51:17- The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart- these, O God, You will not despise.

Jer. 23:29- "Is not My word like a fire?" says the LORD, ‚"and like a hammer that breaks the rock in pieces?"

Matt. 21:44 - "And whoever falls on this stone will be broken; but on whomever it falls, it will grind him to powder."

The Lord is walking me through yet another season of brokenness, growth, and death of self. It is another wave of what I experienced in DC, dealing with frustrations, anger, and wanting to be in control. He is teaching me again, that it is primarily about my relationship with Him, and that everything stems out of that. Yes, I know in my head that I must put Him first, but I believe that this truth is starting to move into my spirit and heart. I really must get everything from Him. I must trust Him above anything on this earth and know that He is the most trustworthy in whom to entrust my life, my all. This understanding is coming more fully.

For the last few weeks I have felt completely out of control. I don't really know what is going on with my life, and I've been listening to everyone else's voices, except my King's. This is something the Lord is reversing in me right now, for many reasons, but primarily because that is where my confidence and strength to live on will come from. He is teaching me once again that He must be first in my life in every arena, and that I really cannot do it without Him. He is teaching me that I need to LET GO. Because I have felt out of control I have grasped for even more control and it is killing me. The reality is that I am not in control and to vie for it is sin stemming from pride. When I want to be in control I want to feel good about an accomplishment, and therefore give myself the credit when something good happens or is accomplished, instead of giving credit where credit and glory is due. God is teaching me that it really is Him that makes things happen and is prying my fingers off the steering wheel of my life once again. The more I strive to try and make decisions regarding my life, the more I lose my peace. God is teaching me to give it all to Him, and He will give me that peace that I so need and desire. A friend said to me last night, "Liz, what is wrong with just waiting on God?" I believe that this was straight out of the heart of God. He wants me just to wait on Him and enjoy Him right now. Instead I am listening to the lies that are telling me I need money, or to get a job, and that I am floating around and have no purpose. I am trying to stand against this the best way I know how right now. I feel confident that the Lord does have a purpose for me (Jer. 29:11) and that I am right in the center of His whirlwind, the center of His will. He is teaching me to be content right where I am and to trust that He has a perfect plan for my life that HE alone is in control of. I want to be able to speak the words of Paul:

"Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." -Philippians 4:11-13

And to all my wanting and desiring of more, my own house, my own space, my own family, my own rules, He says to me:

"Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, '‘I will never leave you or forsake you.'" -Heb 13:5

God, forgive me. All I really want and need is You. You really are more than enough for me and all my desire is for You. Help me to know all that I have in You. Help me be content where I am. Thank you for never leaving me.

A friend of mine wrote some other things today that I have been feeling as well and instead of writing them myself, I send you to his blog (see Nov. 29th entry "fingernails in the icy slope")-> Randy B