Starting My HOPE Journey

Three weeks ago I embarked on a journey with the Hartley Institute in a Champions of Hope Internship. It has been 3 weeks of packed days, which is why I am just now updating my blog!

The internship has been amazing. I am with 9 other interns learning about a "Hope Reformation," in which the Lord spoke to Bob Hartley. In essence, it is all about learning how to adore the Lord for who He is, ask appropriate questions (ie. How much do You love me?), and declaring who He is over situations. These seem like simple things (and they are), but they are certainly profound and are beginning to shift compartments of my soul back to HOPE. I am learning so much, more than I'm able to unpack here & now, but the crux of it is this: God is GOOD and He is FOR me (and you)! Something that this ministry and internship has done well is give me these practical tools for transformation. They are truths I've already known, just packaged different and EASY to apply. My head is beginning to get above the clouds and I am hearing God so much more clearly.

I am so thankful for Bob & the others who have gone before me on this journey, preparing the way for me to enter into HOPE! Mostly I am thankful to the Lord for knowing what I needed beforehand, showing me my need, and then providing the answer through all I am learning right now. I would encourage anyone who has been fighting despair, depression, or hopelessness to take a look at the website and begin (or continue) YOUR journey of HOPE!

Season of Rest

A new season calls for a renewed commitment to write, and keep all my friends back home in sweet Atlanta in the loop about this leg of the journey. I have finally reached a place of relative rest and can better process all that I've been going through the last 6 months or so. To that I can say, the Lord allowed me to reach an extreme place of need so that I would be able to enter into true rest.

He has been calling me to it for some time now, yet I've been resistant. There is something in me, and maybe all of us, that resists true rest, especially when we need it. It is so hard in this society of capitalism, commercialism, productivity, and performance to be able to say it is even OK to take a season off from producing something. God commanded it, so why is it so hard? For me there is a lurking accusation that I'm being "lazy" and need to be contributing to society. Being able to contribute to society is one thing that can keep propping up your self-esteem, when God just wants to say "come rest in My arms for a while and let me take care of you." I lived in Atlanta, a city that was once called "Marthasville," and a place that surely takes on the nature of Martha, Mary's sister, who was working and worried about many things. She did not choose the better part, of resting at Jesus' feet, and I'm not sure I have either.

In his kindness, God moved me to Kansas City so I could enter into the rest he has prepared for me this side of eternity. I got a hold of a book that has been so helpful for me, guiding me into what God has had for me all along and I would highly recommend it for anyone who is tired. Tired of "fighting" or "pressing in." Tired of living in a cycle of trying harder and/or giving up after perceived "failures." What I realized was that I had not "failed" but that I have been living under a shroud of SHAME. For me, writing this blog is a step toward freedom. I will not live in shame anymore. I am human and I make mistakes. It's time to start living and laughing about them. So that is what I am doing. I am on a road to rediscovering the beauty God put in me when he created me and I am going to be unashamed about it, because that is what truly glorifies God.

If you can relate to any of the above and are ready to start experiencing freedom, may I point you to the book called Tired of Trying to Measure Up: Getting Free From the Demands, Expectations, and Intimidation of Well-Meaning People by Jeff VanVonderen. I hope and pray that it is as helpful for you as it has been for me.

I hope you will continue to join me in this journey as I hope I get to join you on yours.

Happenings

So much has happened this last week it is hard to know where to begin writing. The beginning of the week was the Global Bridegroom Fast. It really touched my heart to participate in it here, with the Bride of another tongue. It gave new meaning to what the Lord is doing in the earth by uniting his Bride, that out of every tribe, tongue and nation, she will be one crying out, "Come Lord Jesus." I will say that I sure did miss my Atlanta family and our Wednesday tradition of taking communion together, but was glad to be here with my Guatemala family.

Another gift of timing of the Lord was that the teens don't do their usual outreach to the schools during GBF, so I had more opportunities to teach and impart. Monday I taught on the Bridegroom Fast out of Matt 9, Tuesday was an overview of the Sermon on the Mount, and yesterday the Lord came with revelation of his Father's heart. It was so sweet and I believe many of them received healing from father wounds and an impartation of Abba's heart during the ministry time. Most of them have had rough lives, being either abandoned or abused by their fathers or stepfathers. It is actually ingrained in the culture here, that it is OK to leave your children with extended family members and go to the States to find work, sometimes for good. That is a big reason why Chris has a vision for Mal. 4:5-6 and the Spirit of Elijah to be poured out upon this ministry. I wholeheartedly agree.

Last night I went to one of the girl's homes to visit and cook a meal to break our fast. The whole experience seemed straight out of an episode of The Twilight Zone. This particular girl is enduring so much in her life, most notably, the death of her mother last year. Before that she didn't have a relationship with her father (and still doesn't), so she is basically an orphan, who now takes care of 5 younger brothers and sisters (see pic above). The home they live in is small and poor. There was only one sharp knife and very few other cooking utensils. While we cooked, animals were running around all over the kitchen including: 4 dogs, a duck, multiple chickens, and a cat (her kittens were in the corner). There was one light bulb and no outlets in the whole room, along with a dribble of running water. It was a challenge to cook the meal we ate, but by the grace of God, the issues did not bother me so much. I was overcome by the heart of this girl to want to even have me in her home, and the obstacles she has to overcome in her life. I am talking about one of the 5 full-time intercessors here.

The next time I even get close to complaining about my comfortable life in Atlanta, I thank God I have these images and experiences to refer to. Oh, may I always live in the reality of "to whom much is given, much is required!"

A Day in the Life of a Guatemalan

Sitting at Giovanni`s house, enjoying the breeze. I spent the day here today learning the daily life of a Guatemalan. I arrived around 8:30am or so. The goal was to learn how to make tamales. This is quite a lengthy process, and as I learned today, they only really make them for special occasions like Christmas and birthdays. Amalia, Giovanni`s mom, told me they were making them especially for me... wow! When I got here, she had already made the corn mixture and the sauce that goes inside. I got to help chop sweet peppers and wiped off tons of banana leaves in which to wrap up the tamales. I took a break, went to the Internet Cafe with Chris and came right back here in lieu of going to workout. This was my chance to learn the art of tamale making!

I returned and the ladies were wrapping up all the ingredients in the banana leaves: the corn meal mixture, a piece of chicken that had been marinating in the sauce, some sauce, a couple of raisins, a prune, and a slice of sweet pepper. The folding of the leaves takes a lot of practice. In the time it took me to wrap about 10 of them, the ladies had done probably about 100. I am learning, though, and Amalia said that is the hardest part of the lengthy process.

Meanwhile, World Cup soccer was on in the other room. I got a couple of glimpses of the Brazil/Holland game, and got to watch almost the whole game between Uruguay & Ghana. I finally got to watch a game! I must say I`m glad that Brazil lost and Uruguay won. Now rooting Spain on to victory!

Overall, I had a sweet day, learning more intimately how the people live here. This particular family has lots of animals, including a dog, a cat, a parrot, and tons of chickens (with chicks!). Thankfully, I missed the slaughter of the hen this morning for the tamales! :) The atmosphere is very hot and humid (not unlike Atlanta), and there is currently a breeze, thank God, because there are no fans or A/C. Yet with the breeze, other smells are wafted through the house from the neighbors & the street, such as car exhaust, marijuana smoke, and animal droppings- nice. I will never again complain about having to get my emissions checked!

Yesterday was pretty sweet too. I took all the kids to a sweet water park about an hour away. It was both fun and relaxing. The kids don´t get to do stuff like that very often and I was thrilled to be a part of it. It was interesting to see that somethings don`t change from culture to culture and that youth will be youth.

Covenant Opens the Door

In His great mercy, God showed up here yesterday. It was a day I couldn't have planned any better. Even so MY plans had to shift, and in the end there was a total shift. I had been planning all week to teach on "covenants" during the teaching time on Friday, calling them to covenant as a House to bring unity and greater authority in the Spirit. In a random turn of events, not all of the teens were there, causing Chris to delay the message for later in the afternoon, hoping that all of them would be there. During the time I would have taught, Chris had some things on his heart to share with the crew regarding Matt 7:21-23, and the importance of putting intimacy and integrity first. He was also addressing some deception that was taking place in the House regarding the toleration of Jezebel. It was so powerful, and stirred me to the core. I prayed, "God, bring the fear of the Lord." I was able to speak into what he'd been talking about for a few moments as well, hoping to bring some urgency to the situation. Immediately afterward, the spirit of the Fear of the Lord came upon the room and the majority of the people hit the floor in repentance with tears. It was SO powerful.

Needless to say, this paved the way for the teaching on covenant and what was to transpire later. I shared some background on covenants in the Word, and shared my experience in DC, making covenant with my JHOP/Cause/B4L family. This ministry has gone through a lot of transition, mainly regarding the shifting from a primarily evangelistic-based ministry to becoming first a House of Prayer, then doing evangelism out of the place of prayer. Just like America 10 years ago, this country currently has no grid for the prayer movement or the validity of maintaining a vocation in night and day prayer. Additionally, there have been other situations that have caused division in the past.

I believe God wanted to come in and shore up the foundations and heal old wounds. After I taught, I exhorted the team to examine their hearts and restore relationships, for we would take communion and make a covenant later that night. OH, how sweet it was! Chris had prepared a simple sheet for those to sign who wanted to be a part of this covenant. We took communion together and we voluntarily covenanted together to fight each other's battles and be a true family. And yes, I signed. It was a holy moment for sure, as Chris and I discussed later, we didn't think they would all sign it. But they did.

During worship later, I could feel the shift. There was clear unity. Hearts had been cleansed and were passionately worshiping the Lord. It was a beautiful time of praise & worship. It had been a hard day for some, truly examining their hearts before the Lord, and going to one another in repentance. I knew the Lord wanted to impart more of His love, so after we worshipped, I shared about how the Lord had delivered me from self-hatred and how He wanted to do the same here. The atmosphere was sweet and the Lord showed up with His love, delivering many from self-hatred and imparting His love. Oh the Lord, and the depths of His love! Thank you Jesus!

Precious Firebrands

Well, I've been here a little over a week now. The luster is wearing off and I am seeing beneath the surface of things here. There are some nasty strongholds over this city, but how opportune that Jesus has set up shop here. His presence is so sweet in the prayer room, yet I see oppression everywhere. Yesterday I read in the newspaper that 31 men were on trial in Guatemala City for raping just one woman. As I looked at the picture I saw men controlled by demonic forces, with smirks on their faces. I was so grieved, but it runs even closer to home. I am learning some of the stories of the youth here, and many have experienced horrors never meant to come near a kid. I am baffled by the needs here, even in a House of Prayer. What kindness, what mercy of the Lord to establish one here, and pluck these youth out like firebrands plucked from the fire. I feel honored to tell them their filthy garments have been removed and they have been given clean turbans (Zech 3). Please pray with me for freedom for these precious ones.

First Message

The Lord is so amazing. He designed this trip so much better than I ever could (especially in the short notice that He gave me - all a part of the plan)! The youth here have a different school schedule than in the States, and their "summer" vacation is actually from Oct-early Jan. So, they are technically in school right now. However, they are actually on a two-week break that is like our Spring Break but a little longer. This is great news, because I get to see them and minister to them more! Because all the schools are on break, they won't be ministering in the schools in the mornings, so Chris gave me an open door during that time to share whatever the Lord is speaking.

This morning was the first of these sessions. I have so much bubbling up within me I could explode. I took the time to set the stage for numerous things I'd like to share in the following days, by giving a message on the importance of having a VISION (for without it people cast off restraint - Pr 29:18) for the House of Prayer. Oh, it is all unto the Return of the King! The talk went great, flowing in the Holy Ghost, and finally getting to pour out some of what I've amassed over the last six years. The best part about it was that right at the beginning after I prayed, the bottom fell out and it began to POUR rain. God loves to put prophetic exclamation points on what He is speaking through His messengers with signs in the heavens. This has happened to Billy a number of times at IHOP ATL, the most recent having been on the last Wed of GBF when he was talking about God collecting our prayers in the bowls before His throne, which He throws back to earth in the form of thunder & lightening, when it actually started THUNDERING. So, when it started to rain today I felt the KISS from Abba and almost could not continue, because I was so overcome with His goodness and the glory of being in the center of His will. It was truly glorious.

On a different note, I've been battling intense neck pain for the last couple days and hardly slept last night. However, after I spoke, most of the pain was gone. Ironic? I think not. There is a bit of warfare down here even with the grace - I covet your prayers.
Hasta luego...

Guatemala: Week 1 in Review

I am in Poptún, Guatemala. Sitting at a desk, listening to the sounds of nature sing to me. It is peaceful and only one other person on the Base here besides me, which is rare. The sounds of life are always filling this place. The youth who are the crux of the ministry can be heard from 6:30am-7pm daily. Not to mention the live or piped music (which is usually 1 of 2 CDs). At dusk more sounds emerge: the neighboring dogs & chickens, resident frogs, birds, lizards, and bugs.

Above it all, God speaks. He is in our midst here, though few truly recognize it. I know He is not offended though, because we are all growing in maturity and discernment, but to me it is like music to my ears. I have been in a wilderness for so long, and now I am in a sort of paradise, physically and spiritually. Though the excitement of the first few days has worn off, I still sense Him near, wooing me, drawing me into His presence. Even just hanging around with the youth I feel Him. His eye is on this place. In the midst of a culture that has little understanding of a living relationship with Jesus, here is this little house of prayer, seeking the Lord and making incense arise before His throne.

These kids go HARD in this house of prayer. The full-timers preach in the mornings and have prayer in the afternoons. The part-timers, who are still in school, do either prayer or preaching in the mornings (depending on the rotation), then school in the afternoons. Friday evenings they all come together to celebrate Shabbat. I was so joyful to celebrate this with them, feeling the eternal significance of doing so, as we practice entering into TRUE rest. Afterwards, they usually spend time praying for Israel (in addition to a prayer set every day for her). This past Friday though, we just worshiped and the Spirit came upon us heavy, with groanings, travail, and other interesting manifestations. It is my prayer and desire that God would visit this house with His wine (joy), as He has in Kansas City & Atlanta!

The Lord has kissed me with this trip, that I was created to be a part of from eternity past, as Eph 2:10 says, "For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them." I am excited, expectant for what the rest of this trip holds. It is truly a divine journey with my Beloved.

A Time of Returning

I can hear the sound of a trumpet; it is the call to return to the Lord. This call goes out each year preparing the way for the fall feasts of Israel. God is sending forth a call today to prepare our hearts in intimacy. God uses the feasts to point to the times and seasons in which we live. This is the season of each year which is specifically set apart for returning to Him. Additionally, it is a time of preparation for the judgments that will culminate at the end of the age.

The feasts of the Lord are important times of the year in which the Lord desires to meet His people. In Leviticus 23:2 the Lord said to Moses, “Speak to the children of Israel, and say to them: ‘The feasts of the LORD, which you shall proclaim to be holy convocations, these are My feasts.’” The Hebrew word for feast is mo’ed, meaning “an appointment, a fixed time or season, an assembly, an appointed time, a set time.” The verse above makes it clear that these are the LORD’s feasts, not just Israel’s feasts. As Christians, grafted into the Jewish Vine, Yeshua, we are considered “spiritual Israel,” and are also called to celebrate the feasts of the Lord, described in the Torah.

We do not celebrate the Feasts out of religious duty, but from a place of revelation that they “are a shadow of things to come,” and that Christ desires to encounter us in the celebration (Col 2:17). The word “convocation” in Lev 23:2 is miqra, which means “rehearsal.” The feasts are actually rehearsals for appointed times that will be (have been) fulfilled! The first three “rehearsals,” Passover/ Feast of Unleavened Bread, Feast of Firstfruits, and Feast of Weeks were all fulfilled in Christ’s first coming. The last four feasts (Feast of Trumpets, Day of Atonement, Feast of Tabernacles, and the Sabbath) are yet to be fulfilled and we believe they will be at Jesus’ second coming. Until then we are to rehearse (even the fulfilled ones).

We are currently in the Hebrew month of Elul, which is the month leading up to fall feasts. This month is vitally important in the Jewish faith, as it is a time of preparation for the fall feasts. The name of the month itself is considered to be an acronym for the phrase “Ani l'dodi v'dodi lee -- "I am to my Beloved and my Beloved is to me" (Song of Songs 6:3). This month is a part of a larger time period called “Teshuva,” a forty-day segment given to searching one’s heart and returning to the Lord in preparation for the 10 Days of Awe and ultimately Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement), the day traditionally spent in fasting and repenting for sins – national and personal. Most Jews also believe that this forty-day period coincides exactly with the forty days Moses spent on Mt. Sinai in the presence of God, repenting for the sins of Israel, and rewriting the Ten Commandments on the stone tablets (Ex 34:28).

Now is a prophetic time of rehearsing the month of preparation before a season of judgment. I believe the Spirit is presently wooing us individually and as a Body, into a holy time of consecration and returning. These are Joel’s exact sentiments as he pens the words,

“Turn to Me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping, and with mourning. So rend your heart and not your garments; return to the LORD your God, for He is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and relents from doing harm. Who knows if He will turn and relent, and leave a blessing behind Him…?” (Joel 2:12-14)

The context of this verse is the imminent judgment of the Lord upon Israel, in sending the Babylonians to destroy Jerusalem and take Israel captive. The verses are still relevant today, as the Lord calls us to return to Him before a time of judgment, ultimately coming upon the whole earth during the last 3 ½ years of this age. The finality of the Great Tribulation will end with a time of returning, when the Jews return to Jerusalem and face a time of national judgment on Yom Kippur, the complete fulfillment of Teshuva.

The verses 15-17 of Joel 2 are actually recited on Tishrei 8, the day before Yom Kippur begins, calling the Jews to “blow the trumpet in Zion, consecrate a fast, call a sacred assembly….” Amazingly, each morning during Elul, a shofar (trumpet) is blown to awaken listeners to the coming time of judgment, and Psalm 27 is recited. It is a Psalm in which David expresses his faith in God and desire for God. I believe God is calling us to the same heart posture during this season, having a heart set on seeking Him.

He is calling us into deep intimacy with Him that says, "I am to my Beloved and my Beloved is to me." Right now, He is hedging up our way with thorns, that if we turn to the right or to the left our paths to lesser “lovers” are cut off. He created us in such a way that we would not find fulfillment in the things of the flesh. We can only find true fulfillment in Him alone and He is jealous for all of our affections. He allows us to seek after those things for a time, but knows we will return saying, ‘I will go and return to my first husband, for then it was better for me than now’ (Hos 2:6-7). This is a season of betrothal, a time of remembrance of the Lord’s mercy. In fact, during Elul, the Jews traditionally focus on Exodus 34:6-7, and the thirteen attributes of God’s mercy. It is a time that He softens our hearts and draws us away, that we would run after Him, for He truly desires to show us the kindness of His mercy (SOS 1:4).

During this intense prophetic season, I charge you, “seek the Lord while He may be found; call on Him while he is near” (Isa 55:6). He is near, and He is calling us to return, both corporately and individually, to seek to know Him fully just as we are known (1 Co 13:12). He longs for us to draw near to Him with hearts full of the assurance of His love. He beckons you. Can you hear Him? Can you hear the sound of the trumpet, calling you to return to the Lord with all your heart? Have you felt the sting of the thorns as you sought your own way? In mercy He calls you again, saying, “Return, Beloved.”

I'm Back!

After a long hiatus from blogging, I'm back. I feel the need to write, express inner thoughts to an unknown audience... an thus be on of the "nameless, faceless" that will reshape American culture for Jesus. We have a need in this hour to hear clear, prophetic voices that speak the truth. I am not claiming to be one of those (yet), but hope to position myself to be used of God in this way, if I just put my pen to the paper, or fingers to the keyboard.